Monday, August 8, 2011

Cold Summer Evening…


Summer Evening, Edward Hopper, 1947


It was happening, after months of waiting, it was happening.
She thought of the time she had patiently wasted. On him.
To adjust and to adapt to his whims and ways.
10 years, 2 months and 14 days, but who was counting?
And she was weak in math, but she managed the counting.

She could have been anywhere at this moment, enjoying a drink at
the pub down the street or having her shop in the countryside.
For crying out loud, she could have been happily married and would
have been enjoying a mid summer make out on the portico on a quiet farm.

But she was here, she had to be here.
How couldn’t she be here after spending so much time scheming to get to him?
She almost choked at her resentment.

Any minute, and she knew, he will kneel down and say it.
He will give her that warm knowing smile, waiting for her obvious yes.

But did she want this? Want him? After all this time?
After all her sacrifices?
She had to make a quick decision before he said those words.
And she made her choice, love for him overwhelmed her.

A hand on his heart, he said those words. Some words.
She was dumbstruck.

I am getting married. Waiting a beat. To your sister.
I finally asked her, today.
And he smiled.
She shivered.



Blind-folded or blind-fooled in love, she still remembered that mid-summer night.
******
Written for Magpie Tales #77. Thank you Tess, for that excellent prompt.


37 comments:

kaykuala said...

You have a knack for short story writing.I could relate with the flow of the story-line and it maintained a logical sequence all along. Beautiful piece!

izzy said...

Fun with a twist! thanks.

Lolamouse said...

Great surprise ending! She's better off without him! Ah, but the poor sister-now you have another story to write...

Mary said...

I like this..... a lot!

Everyday Goddess said...

Yikes! Betrayal!

They say the best revenge is living well...

Mama Zen said...

Oh, wow! Poor girl.

The Cello Strings said...

vivid capture of your subject.
well done magpie.

Nicholas V. said...

Ah! Great, we both thought of siblings and unrequited love!
Very good poem and I liked the unexpectedness of the ending...

Erratic Thoughts said...

@kaykuala Thank you for such encouraging words:)
Glad you liked it...

@izzy Thank you:)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Lolamouse True, she is better off without him...My pity-for-sister story is on its way :)
Thank you...

@Mary Thank you so much :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Everyday Goddess
Very well said...Couldn't agree more:)

@Mama Zen :)Exactly!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@The Cello Strings
Thank you for dropping by...Glad you liked it :)

@Nicholas V.
Oh!Your piece was simply great...
Thank you for your kind words:)

120 Socks said...

I knew he didn't look like someone to be trusted!! Very enjoyable read, gosh why do we so often fall for d wrong guy!

Gerry Snape said...

great poem...sad for her...will she ever speak to her sister again? we must wait and see!

Kathryn Stripling Byer said...

This is a very effective example of "flash fiction." Great conclusion--"She shivered." Very much like a poem. There is a coldness, isn't there, in the couple's stance.

Laurie Kolp said...

What an ending... I'd love a part 2!

Doctor FTSE said...

Bet she'll give her brother-in-law hell!

Words A Day said...

Great twist, I pity her sister!:)

chiccoreal said...

Dear Erratic Thoughts: An indelible story with wonderful images! Love did ring so true back then! Summer did make this happen!

Lyn said...

Counting the minutes of her life..never a good sign. They say cold revenge is best and yet her plans for that were foiled..best to walk away..you conveyed her deep quandry so well...

Lena said...

The swine...lol! What a nice little write. I can partly sympathise as my twin sis used to pinch my boyfriends! She was a hard-hearted 12 year old, you know!!

Linda R. said...

An interesting ending to the story. Guess she didn't have to worry about whether or not she made the right decision. She will have lots of time to regret the wasted years, though.

Lydia said...

Yikes, does this ever steam up the old sibling rival kettle on my back burner! Very believable and well done.
:) ..... or, is this face :( more appropriate?

Erratic Thoughts said...

@120 Socks Yikes,i know...I am scared of having to say 'fall' and 'wrong guy' in the same breath these days....

@Gerry Snape hmmm,I could write about that...Thanks for dropping by:)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Kathryn Stripling Byer
Thank you for such encouraging words:)
Yes,I felt the chill instantly when I saw this image n I thought something is not quite right here!

@Laurie Kolp Thank you, I will write some more then:)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Doctor FTSE
You bet,Lol!:D

@Words A Day
Lol,me too..Thank you:)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@chiccoreal
Thank you for the kind words...
It sometimes still does or we dream it to be true...:)

@Lyn
When its your sister,its better to step asid,isn't it?
Thank you for dropping by...

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Lena Lol!Aha, so you have a twin too, I've some similar experiences *sigh*

@Linda R. Oh Yeah,she has all the time in the world to poder about that:)
But I think she should let go,what say?

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Lydia :D very well said...it happens all the time...

....Petty Witter said...

Good to have you back, I've missed your posts.

A great story, I loved the twist in the tale ..... the cad, how could he?

Steve Isaak said...

Exemplary, potent.

Bee's Blog said...

This is the stuff that good tales are made of.

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Steve Thank you :)

@Bee's blog
:) Thank you so much for such kind words...

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Tracy (Petty Witter)
Thank you for always taking time for reading my blog...
Oh yeah how could he!!!

knightsheart said...

Great twist at the end!!!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@knightsheart
Glad you liked it :)

Siddhartha Joshi said...

Not such a happy ending this time, but a wonderful read still!