Saturday, July 17, 2010

Week's Poetry Challenge

Argent the Super Poetry bus driver of the week has set a challenge Tunnel of (unrequited) Love/Excursion to the Comedy Store Check here
This is my entry as I hop on to the bus...

He said
I Do
It was not for me
He said
love you
Empathy whispered it’s not true

One bridesmaid was I
Was happy or was it a lie
She was my friend for life
He was the reason of my life

Elegant, neat he had a black bow tie
I chided and suppressed a sigh
Lavenders and tulips blossomed all around
Colors got lost, smile faded, grief profound
Toasts raised, cake cut served with sweet pies
He was oblivious of the love floating in my eyes

Shattered, I felt like a loner on seashore
Well, there goes one more
Searching & screening the ecstatic crowd
I saw many peas in the same pod
Sailing in the ship of
Just Dumped, oh god

Cracked open a bottle, I sipped & slurped
Got drunk and waved
That free beer that cost my heart
Tell you what, finding a guy is an art
Snickering,
Here I come, I said aloud
Winking I dived in to the crowd.

28 comments:

Gwei Mui said...

OMG this brings back so many memories where I have "seen" this happening. It's wonderfully painful and also rather wistfully ironic and funny in a slightly cruel way.
Really engaging writing :)

Argent said...

What a great poem - I love it! " saw many peas in the same pod
Sailing in the ship of Just Dumped, oh god" Brilliant!

Heather said...

Your poem really speaks of so much strong emotion. Unrequited love is no laughing matter.

Erratic Thoughts said...

@GM Thank you and Welcome...I saw this happening just in time to write it...Guess luck was on my side :)

@Argent Thanks for that Challenge...I tried some n I got the ticket...

@Heather..Thank you for dropping by...yep that was what I thought it would be...painful...

Dianne said...

A fine and smoothly unfolding story we can relate to ...
what a powerful 3rd stanza!

Helen said...

You've got a ticket to ride ~ your piece is great.

Peter Goulding said...

Hmm, I've been at a couple of weddings where I had a thing for the bride!! The SS Just Dumped eh? Love it!

Niamh B said...

I really really like the ending on this - the happy wink and dive in - I remember that feeling well!!
Very nice and heart felt poem

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Dianne Welcome and Thank You...

@Helen Yeehaw!I sure got one...

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Peter Goulding Hush...that's so true, I can identify with you...been there ;)
*sob*sob* Just dumped...:D

@Niamh Thank you so much...Wicked...sometimes you realize sobbing is such a waste of time :)

Poet in Residence said...

that's the spirit!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Poet in Residence...True that, It's all about Moving on..:)
Thank you for dropping by...

jinksy said...

Go, girl! Nil desperandum, eh? Jump back in with both feet...

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Jinksy Bingo!You caught me there rightly...Seize the day ;)

Dave King said...

Jinksy has already taken my intended comment, so can I just emphasise: feet first - you don't know what you're landing on.

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Dave Thank you for dropping by...
Well said...:)
I learn so much here...this is great...:)
On a lighter note: Hope I don't land on my heels...Ouch!:D

Enchanted Oak said...

I love the zesty devil-may-care attitude after the melancholy. I don't know a better antidote.

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Enchanted Oak Thank you..hope it does work for everybody in reality...

Jeanne Iris said...

ET, this is a country song just waiting to be sung! I love the line, "He was oblivious of the love floating in my eyes." Yes, I've been there for sure.

Titus said...

Loved it - the whole shape and drive, the lengthening lines and the glorious messy ending with the dive of hope. Some really memorable lines too. Good one!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Jeanne Welcome and Thank you...I sure have picked at everybody's memories...:):)

@Titus Thank you so very much... Hope is all we have :)

Lydia said...

Makes me wonder how many people feel this way at weddings! I certainly have, and you described the misery and the giddy resignation to a tee. :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Lydia Thank You...it's like grab them otherwise they'll be stolen in no time...n u have to go again on a searching spree :P

Doctor FTSE said...

I endorse all these kind comments. In case the story of your poem was not an invention . . . best wishes for next time . . . might be Mr.Right!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Doc Thank you and Thank you...:)
I need those wishes invention or not...You are very very wise to see the unseen...:)

The Bug said...

This was a lot of fun! Sounds like the groom was a philanderer...

RicochetRabbit said...

hey amazing piece of poetry!!
wow....

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Bug I m glad you enjoyed it :)
hmmm right he does sound like one...

@Devarshi Thank you so much buddy...