Monday, August 16, 2010

Onboard-Poetry bus!

An Inspirational writer, Enchanted Oak (Chris Alba) is driving the poetry bus engineered by superb writer Totalfeckineejit. Chris has given us two age-old pics as the prompt and this is my entry for the ticket. Please visit Chris's blog for reading the different versions of these pics putforth by wonderful fellow passengers.
~~~~
Drifting Reality!
-Blue fingers, cold hands
itching to be set free
burning to sever those binds
breaking me from inside
suffocating, harrowing me
finding my way in the dark
aimless, helpless, powerless
hauled by devil himself
something screeching in the background
Yearning for attention
coming to my senses
whacked on head
I realize
the class is over.

35 comments:

Rachel Fox said...

The whack is a good surprise ending!
x

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Rachel Thank you :)

jason evans said...

I really like the emotion packed into this one. :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Jason Thank you so much :)

Doctor FTSE said...

The emotions are quite dark, but the last lines release the built-up tension successfully.

Titus said...

Me too; I like it very much for the reasons above.
But I oh-so-especially like your putting the word "sceeching" in.
The whole poem revolves around that word - brilliant.

Enchanted Oak said...

Ha! You clobbered me good! What fun your poem is. Once I reached the ending, I had to go back and reread a few times for the sheer joy of it!

Scott said...

i recall the time I fell asleep in chemistry class as a sophomore in high school...

that was not unlike the experience you describe here

Helen said...

I loved this ... I was transported back to the years of boring lectures, never ending, and feeling whacked on the head when reality reappeared and the class ended.

Dave King said...

Catches both the agony and the mystery of the image. Excellent.

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Doc As I was writing I felt things are getting creepy so I ended it up this way :D

@Titus Thank you so much :)

@Chris You know I was actually planning to take up the first pic, I found this one tougher and I still don't know how I ended up writing on this one:) Thanks for sharing those excellent pics and your poem as well!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Scott Many Thanks for dropping by...Chemistry was my dull subject too.It used to come out of my shelf only during assessments :D

@Helen True.I have been there so many times...Thank you for your kind comments:)

@Dave Thank you so much:)

the watercats said...

I seem to remember feeling similar to this in school, lol... very nice story telling!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@The Watercats Lol...Thank you!:)

NanU said...

That ending is a good whack! What was that, Microbiology 102? or Middle English Literature?

SaiK said...

This one is not the manasi I once knew.. It totally was a "whack on head" for the hyper sincere, super diligent, class topper image of yours that I still carry!

..and some serious fan following you have!

Good one :)

Yvonne Osborne said...

I see you've chosen the same image. Hands. Love it. And the surprise ending had me going back again too. Thanks for a lighter version of an intense photo.

Thanks for reading mine too!

Sarah said...

I love the surprise ending! There are a few classes I have taken over the years where I felt that way.
Thanks for your visit and well wishes for Cassie!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@NanU :D haha...Thank You:)

@Sai Yeehaw!I am so pleased to know I had that image in school and I still hold it:D
These are some stolen moments I vowed not to disclose but drat I did it anyway :D
Thank you :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Yvonne Osborne Thanks for dropping by.It was a sheer pleasure reading your version.It was beautiful:) Thank you for your kind comments...

@Sarah Anytime,it was my pleasure.Cassie is a dear!:) Thank you so much...

Rashi said...

hoarse picture...and impactful lines...!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Rashi Thank you for reading and dropping a comment.:)

jinksy said...

Daydreaming in class can often bring everything down on one's head! lol

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Jinksy Lol..I know..phew..I got away with just a smack!:D

Aniket said...

Whacked on the head. Yes, that has happened more than a couple of times. :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Aniket Lol:)

Totalfeckineejit said...

That was a pretty scary ride with a relief ending, phew! Thank goodness for the awakening whack! Good work.

Erratic Thoughts said...

@TFE Thank you for that encouraging pat:)

Raj said...

that's pure ecstacy ain't it?

class is over. phew.

exquisite work that.

Nikita Banerjee said...

My first visit...this poem reminds me of Eunice D'souza's poem. Nice read.

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Raj Yep!True that :D...Ecstacy it is!
Thank you so much for you appreciation:)

@Nikita Welcome and much thanks for dropping by...Eunice de Souza is one amazing writer, it's an honour if this reminds you of her poem:)

I love this snippet of conversation/Poem by her.It speaks of myriad of cultures and interpretations :)

My Portuguese-bred colleague
picked up a clay shivalingam
one day and said:
Is this an ashtray?
No, said the salesman,
This is our god.
~ Eunice de Souza

Karen said...

Sorry I'm so late getting here. Of course, by this time, others have said what I, too, think -- marvelous building of suspense and release with the last line. The surprising use of "whacked" really turns the poem. Very good!

Erratic Thoughts said...

@karen Thank you...some few dreamy-moments that happen with everybody, I guess!:)

Samata Joshi said...

This is nice, yes :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

@Samata Thank you so much:)